Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
