Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
