Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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