Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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