Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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