just come out here and I will go home with you...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
