Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
