a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
