After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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