how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
