So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
