So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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