It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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