How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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