Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
