we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
COCAINE IS GR8
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
