i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
