as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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