FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
