I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
