dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
