i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
