So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
