i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
