i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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