New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
