her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
