i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
