Jerry, you need to find god
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am naked and annoyed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
