kristin has been a bad kristin
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
