We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
