my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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