Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
