stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
