census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
