so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
