I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
