how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
