he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
