Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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