im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
