just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
