she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
