Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
