so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
