im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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