I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i now understand why vodka
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
