she woke up with a sticky ear
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dick very happy bro
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
