There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
