last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
