I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
